Paradigma 9

Found this on Usenet. What if, instead of disarmament, the US wanted pizza from Iraq?

IRAQ: Hello?
US: We demand pizza.
IRAQ: OK, where should we send it to?
US: It's too late for negotiations.
IRAQ: Please, where should we send the pizza?
US: You're trying to distract us. The real issue here is pizza.
IRAQ: Okay...
US: We demand unconditional delivery of pizza. No payment or anything.
IRAQ: Hey, if we're sending pizza we better get paid for it...
US: This is duplicity. We won't be misled by you. You have had enough opportunities to send pizza.
IRAQ: That's the way it works. You get pizza, we get money.
US: We oppose linkage of pizza and money.
IRAQ: Let's negotiate about this. I'm sure you'll get pizza soon.
US: We need pizza within 30 seconds or we'll bomb you.
IRAQ: Do you even want pizza?
US: The time for negotiations is past.
IRAQ: We can't send pizza if we're not going to get paid and we don't even have somewhere to send this.
US: Our position is clear: send us pizza or be destroyed.
IRAQ: But-!
US: NO NEGOTIATIONS! YOU AREN'T GOING TO SEND PIZZA, ARE YOU?? THE ENTIRE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY DEMANDS PIZZA!
IRAQ: Oh, great.
US: WE'VE GIVEN YOU AN ARBITRARILY LARGE NUMBER OF CHANCES, BUT YOU JUST WON'T SEND PIZZA! IT'S TIME FOR WAR!!!
IRAQ: Fine, fine!! We have pizza! We'll send pizza!
US: It's too late for that.

posted by Paradigma @ 6:33 PM