Paradigma 9

i went back from a meeting, been home and now back at the office, 3 AM in the morning. Wide awake.

So, I did announce to a couple of bloggers I knew before, that I'm planning to write again. Some said... "please don't" (note:i'll kill them some other day). Jigo told me not to go dissappearing again, apparently he has trouble to report my missing to the police because he doesn't know my name... he's a psycho.

Yep, my blog froze for almost a year. It was the time my first child was to be delivered. It was quite an ordeal, and alhamdulillah, he was born perfectly normal and has made me a proud father ever since.

and the story goes....

My wife was already in Kota Bharu, because she wanted to deliver there. So I was alone in KL. Every night, I used to talk to the baby, of how much I loved him and wanted him, and I kindof missed that for a month(explaining the weirdness I felt expressed in my last few posts). and I called everyday, whether it was time or not. The wait, the curiousity was really killing me.

And one day at work at about 12am, I received the call.

I was mixed with emotions, perplexed, it left me walking all around the office until my friend asked me what I was doing. I told him my wife was delivering. He took me to KL sentral, had to run to catch the train, arrived at KLIA and had to run to catch the plane. Arrived in KB at 2.35pm.

Took a taxi straight to the hospital. I found my wife already in the labour room... but it wasn't time yet. Phew! And that was quick, said the doctor. The doctor briefed me about some stuffs, I asked her some stuffs. Turns out that my wife was already overdue, and her water level was low... so the doctor had to deliver the baby by today. She said, that she'll try to deliver the baby normally.

Things didn't look good when the baby's heart beat level went high when my wife had a contraction. Hopefully, I prayed she could deliver normally.... I was reading the machine optimistically, and was so confident that she could deliver normally. But I don't know.

"Cesarean" the doctor's word hit me real hard after telling me her observations. I wasn't educated on this procedure, and was really scared about all of it. The doctor assembled her team in 15 minutes.

I braved myself in front of my wife, and told her that it'd be over soon. Inside, only God knows how fragile I was feeling. I was afraid of losing both of them, and He knows it.

The doctor was ready to take my wife to the operations room, and that's when she asked for my forgiveness for everything she has ever done. she told me if she can't ever see me again, that i'd remember the vows she made.

My tears.... they gave way finally, and I hugged her crying. I didn't care, my insecure feelings of which I couldn't contain anymore was taking control. It was some while before I could lift my face to speak. Though my voice wouldn't go through, I told her that I'd see her after this, and kissed her goodbye.

It was the half an hour that I would never forget. I prayed for every second that passed by for me to see both of them.

Then the first cry broke from the baby. I was so happy and relieved on hearing his voice. A couple of minutes after that, a nurse went out of the operations room carrying my baby. I couldn't see, so I followed the nurse, and that's when I first laid my eyes on him. He was so cute, I had my appraisals to God in my heart.

After bathing him, the nurse gave him to me to hold. I was kind of akward trying to hold such a small thing in my arms. His eyes were already opened and staring at me,

"Assalamualaikum sayang, daddy ni...", and I kissed him. He just looked at me..... and that was the greatest moment in my life.

We named him Muhammad Affan Hakimi, and he is now 8 months old. You can see his picture when he was 2 months old here - > affan

posted by Paradigma @ 12:51 PM